The Little Mermaid

Sometimes I think I might be the little mermaid. I’m “flipping my fins” in the village the majority of the time: biding my time as I conform to societal pressures: you wear this now, you greet like this, you always smile, you always are there to assist people, keeping a schedule that suits other people better than yourself. It becomes confining as I dream to break away to be myself. I want to be able to openly be annoyed with things and to share my opinions even if they aren’t popular.

Then, on vacation or when I’m with other volunteers in general, I get my legs. Suddenly I can run: have bad days, feel free to misbehave, laugh openly, tell stories and have people understand them, and not always have to be nice.

After two weeks of vacation, swimming was incredibly difficult again. On my taxi ride home I almost felt like I was suffocating. I had been ill the previous day but now I had to put a smile of my face in order to greet everyone in my village. I was exhausted from traveling and wanted to rest but the children were all outside my door knocking every few minutes to borrow games, books, sports equipment. I suppose I had forgotten what it felt like to be stared at constantly. My over annoyance has driven me to hide out more than is normal. For example, last night I was eating dinner outside and there were four kids staring at me and three asking to play with my soccer ball. All I wanted was 10 minutes to be able to finish my meal before the world started demanding things from me again.

Perhaps, going on vacation for such long periods of times is not such a good idea. It made me realize all of the things I desperately miss: staying out late, anonymity, luxuries such as grocery stores and showers, and not having to answer to other people constantly. I suppose I just need a week or two to readjust to life as a mermaid. Sigh…